Separation as a sign of love

The problem in most relationships is that we demand something of the other person that we ourselves do not live up to. We would like them to understand us, listen to us, pay attention to our needs and boundaries. But if we are not even aware of that ourselves or are not clear about it in the dialogue, we cannot expect the other person to know how to treat us.


So the first step to a satisfied and happy relationship is to know yourself. This means that I must first build and nurture the relationship with myself before I set out to "work" on my relationship with another person.


Most of the time, the people we surround ourselves with are pretty much okay the way they are. It's the same with ourselves. Nevertheless, we push and pull on the other person and then get frustrated because in the long run everything stays the way it is. In fact, the violation is that we do not recognise and respect ourselves and/or the other person for who we truly are. If this does not correspond to our own needs and desires in a relationship, it is only fair for all parties to go their separate ways.


If I have established beforehand that it is okay that I am the way I am and you are the way you are, then a relationship and also a separation can happen in mutual respect. I would even go so far as to say that a break-up can be a huge sign of love if both simply leave each other in peace as they are and realise that it simply doesn't fit - after all, we are thus allowing ourselves and the other person to be in an environment in which we can be as we are.


By the way, these conclusions do not only apply to romantic relationships. The more I allow myself a social life in which I don't have to conform, the less stress I feel after meetings, collaborations and negotiations. Of course, it is a great privilege to be able to choose your workplace, neighbours, friends and partners. However, I don't have to end every relationship right away if I believe that I have to adapt or that the other person is simply "too different".


I would like to give you a little exercise that might help you with this:

Check how your average energy level looks after encounters with individual people in your environment. The challenge is to find out what exactly you think you can't show or be with the people who tend to draw energy from you. Perhaps it is simply misconceptions about others that are rooted in your personal history. In this regard, I invite you to try out what it is really like when you show yourself authentically in relationships and to observe what happens - to you and to the other person.


I wish you all the best on your journey to a more complete relationship with yourself and your fellow human beings! All love!

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